A Slippery Situation
by Panda Master X
Summary: Kagura has gone to play with Hime chan, and the refrigerator is all empty now. Gintoki must go buy some sukonbu - if he doesn't want Kagura to kill him - and find someone to help him buy it as well. HijixGin. Yaoi will be at the end, so beware! XD oh yeah, this is a two-shot!


**A Slippery Situation**

I don't own Gintama or its characters- though i wish i did... anyways, please enjoy! sigh...i really wanted to just leave this as a one-shot, but I really, _really_ wanted to post this up too! Enjoy! (^+^)

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Chapter 1:

Gintoki walked sluggishly into his Japanese styled room with his dead fish eyes straining to see in the dim lighting. He was exhausted, not to mention the fact that he ended up suffering(sort of?) because of a certain black haired Shinsengumi officer. Sprawled out on his futon, he started thinking about that morning...

**That morning:**

_Gintoki had awoken that morning craving a sweet delectable strawberry parfait, unfortunately he was utterly broke, so he set off to find someone to pester into giving him money- or at least to buy him one. He dressed in his normal white yukata with blue swirl markings and black tight clothing underneath it to cover any unnecessary skin exposure. Obviously he couldn't tame his wild whitish-blue locks, so he left it in its natural permed state._

_Once he finished dressing up, he quickly got out of the bathroom in case his little red-headed Yato girl to jump him for being in there for too long. Thankfully she was nowhere in sight as he strutted over to his small kitchen to grab a sip of strawberry milk before he left._

_Opening the fridge, he grabbed the extra large carton of strawberry milk( which only lasted for two days at the most in this apartment) and gulped down the contents before setting it down once again until he noticed something peeking from his peripheral. Looking behind the carton was a bright pink letter addressed to him._

_"Dear perm-headed, nose picking, strawberry loving dumb ass," it read( obviously from Kagura, since Shinpachi didn't have the balls to say that to Gin-chan). "You FRIGGIN LAZY ASS MOFO ATE ALL THE SUKONBU IN THE FRIDGE! I need you to go out and get some more or else I'll dump all of your strawberry milk and chocolate pudding in Sadaharu's doggy bowl! You have until tomorrow though, because I'm going out with my friend, Hime-chan, for a sleepover/party and I took Sadaharu with me."_

_Well...this was just peachy. The ex-samurai ran out of strawberry milk just now, needed a parfait for his sugar addiction, and had to buy Kagura some SUKONBU! Now where was he going to find someone willing to buy him all that without getting them into debt...? "Ahhh! I got it!" Gintoki shouted as he sprinted to the door. He didn't seem to notice the small scrawls on the bottom of the letter Kagura wrote to him: "P.S, don't buy those cheap sukonbu from that weird vendor who wears all black! Be Careful around him, I don't trust his products!"_

_Outside the apartment door, Gintoki paused to make sure he had his bokuto on him. He always carried that particular sword, especially with all the people annoyingly dangerous he's around. Fortunately it was strapped onto his waist securely even as Gin-San walked away from the rusty brown door._

**Present time:**

Hijikata walked leisurely through the streets of Edo searching for a certain long-haired rebel samurai. He felt like today was going to be a great day; he didn't have a bazooka pointed at his face first thing in the morning like usual, and the owner of the vendor he frequents gave him a free bottle of (almost) expired mayonnaise. Apparently Okita was on a mission and wouldn't be back until later on in the day, so Hijikata was free to roam the streets without being targeted by the crazy sadist._ Yes. Today was going to be a great da_- he thought before he was hit by a flash of white and blue.

"Uggh! Get offa me you moron! You wanna get arrested for speeding?!"

"What? You?! Arrest little 'ol me?"

"Wha- Gintoki?!"

The perm-head smirked and grabbed hijikata, ignoring his protests, before they could continue arguing and hauled him off to his favorite sweets shop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~TIME~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SKIP~~~~~~~~~~~~~!~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Gintoki's POV)

"Aww, c'mon Toshi! I need to buy some stuff, and I can't really pay for it right now. Ple~~~asssee?" I pouted, biting my bottom lip while slightly puffing my cheeks. I could see HIjikata wavering but trying to resist. _This is my last chance!_ I looked up at him widening my eyes forcing which made them water a little bit, and softened my voice...

"B-but _Toshiro~chan_," I continued, scooting closer to him all the while. "Please? Just this once?" I finally asked while sliding my hand next to his leg.

"F-f-f-fine! Just this one time!" he said backing up as soon as he snapped out of his trance.

_Yes!_ It's cruel because I knew Ogushi had a soft spot for me. It would seem like its too dangerous to risk seducing him like this, but I would do whatever it takes to get my parfaits! Plus, he's not that dangerous, because I always have my guard up.

I looked at his cup in disgust. He was squeezing out a whole bottle of mayo with a nonchalant face into the coffee he ordered. I mean, how are you supposed to drink something if its too thick to drink?! What was the whole point of getting a drink then?!I scrunched up my face and looked back at my now almost empty parfait bowl.

"What? Did you want some on your parfait, yorozuya?" he asked.

"HUH?! Put that disgusting stuff on my oh so perfect sweetness?!" I cried incredulously." Who wants to eat that stuff, you disgusting Mayora!"

" WELL, IT'S WAY BETTER THAN YOUR BOWL OF DIABETES OLD MAN!"

"TAKE THAT BACK! TAKE IT BACK OR THE GOD OF SUGAR WILL SMITE YOU!"

"NO WAY!"

"YES! TAKE IT _BACK_!"

"NEVER, YOU STUPID YOROZUYA!"

"KAMEHAMEHA!"

"..."

"..."

"...um..."

"Shut up."

I pulled out my pouty face again and looked out the window. Hijikata doing the same as me, except he looked the other way. I noticed some girls were giggling and peeking at us. I was ready to pull out my cool Gin-chan act, but then I heard what they were whispering to each other...

"Kyaa! It's totally BL, it has to be!" One of the girls said.

"I know right!" Another continued,

"Man! And those two guys are so HOT, too!"

"KAWAII! They look so cute together!"

"I wonder who's the uke there..."

With that last statement, my face flushed cherry red and I stood up abruptly. Hijikata looked at me quizzically, but I just pointed to the cashier and mumbled a quick "let's go get the other stuff." I covered my face with my hands and walked out of the shop mumbling about revenge.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~TIME~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SKIP~~~~~~~~~~~~~!~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"ARGH! What could've happened that all the stores in town are out of sukonbu?" I said exasperated. Everywhere I looked, they were out of sukonbu. Suddenly, I heard the heavenly voice of my most beloved, favorite weather woman, Ketsuno Ana!

I turned to see a bunch of TVs being displayed behind a glass window, with Ketsuno telling about today's weather and news.

" Special news today! Princess Hime has come to Edo! Apparently she's bought all of the sukonbu from all of the stores, so you'll all have to wait for the next shipment! Now, onto the weather..."

Dammit! Kagura was behind all of this! I guess my sadism has begun to rub off on her, because she _knew _I wouldn't be able to get her stupid sukonbu if she got her princess friend to buy it. Man, and she has the nerve to make me get it! But then again, I really don't want to have to deal with that Yato brat when she fusses over her sukonbu. AHHHH! She'll kill me at this rate! I NEED SUKONBU!

I frantically looked about the busy streets of Edo, searching for any signs of Kagura's favorite snack, but to alas, my death will come sooner than I thought. _Dear Kami sama, why have you condemned me to live with that house eating beast of a child_?! I thought to myself._ With her monster strength, she'll definitely fell me in one strike_!

"Hey, you there." A man practically whispered from behind a small counter near the alley way and motioned us over to him…

(Hijikata's POV)

I smacked myself in the forehead. Why, why, why?! Did I give in to those big red eyes of his? Those eyes that glistened with tears on the verge of spilling over making his usually dead fish eyes brighten up and shine, practically begging me to take him. His full, soft, pink lips pursed as he contemplated whether or not I'd agree to help him... ugh! I need to stop! This man is going to drive me crazy! Not only that, but because of him, some stupid yaoi fangirls started thinking we were a couple- not like I object to the thought of a panting moaning mess of Gintoki underneath me while I- ARGH! I've got to leave and finish my patrol, but I already know he's going to tail me until I buy him some sukonbu for the Yato girl.

"Hey, you there." A suspicious man called out to us as Gintoki was (unknowingly) shouting out to the world about how he just _had_ to get some sukonbu. He stood behind a little table with random items scattered across the surface. Covering his entire body except for the lower half of his face was a black cloak that hung loosely down to the ground. He had a feral look on what was even showing of his face and he smiled to himself as Gintoki walked over to him.

"Oi, matte! Yorozuya, I don't trust this guy. I don't think I've ever seen this guy around much." I started, but then again, I don't patrol this side of the town often, so I wouldn't know.

"Oh, it'll be okay, Mayora. Let's just look at what he's got! Seems like he's caught my interests." Gintoki told me as he sauntered over to the rusty little table that looked like it was about to break any moment.

I wasn't so sure that it was safe- plus I had to buy him sukonbu, so I followed him over there.

"YATTA! THIS GUY'S GOT SOME SUKONBU!" Gintoki's shout rattled my ears, and I glared at him.

The man in the cloak looked up at me and the yorozuya with smiling eyes and a huge grin plastered on his face. "Sir, I'm willing to give you this sukonbu half off, please, buy as much as you want! huhuhuhuhu..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~TIME~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SKIP~~~~~~~~~~~~~!~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Third person POV)

Hijikata and Gintoki walked back to Gin's place to drop off the sukonbu and relax for a bit before they had to go their separate ways. For hijikata, he only wanted to spend as much time as he could with the perm head before he had to go back to his duties or was caught with him by Okita. They walked quietly up the rusty staircase and into his apartment building so as not to disturb the old hag on the first floor.

Gintoki dropped the bags of sukonbu on his little wooden table in his living room and sat on the couch. He motioned Hijikata to sit on the chair opposite of him and pulled out two or three packages from the bags.

"Ne, Toshi chan, do you want some sukonbu? You know, you were the one who bought this and all, so I don't want to feel bad about eating most of this by myself before Kagura comes back." Gintoki said with a relaxed face. Hijikata felt his gaze intensify as he sat there, fidgeting in his seat. Hijikata looked straight into his eye and replied as calmly as he could muster. "Er, I'm okay yorozuya. I don't eat sukonbu...plus it needs mayo..." Then he looked away, a small blush creeping up his neck. Hijikata was too distracted to notice that something was happening and warn Gintoki before it was too late.

"ACK!"

"Y-yorozuya?!"

"Hah, w-w-what the- mmph?!"

Long slimy strands of sukonbu shot out of the opened boxes and wrapped themselves around Gintoki, muffling his mouth and sliding into his white-now see through-yukata. Hijikata couldn't do anything except stare open-mouthed at the scene in front of him. It was like an erotic dream come true!

" Haa! AAhhnnn~!" Gintoki tried to hold back his moans, but some of the slimy treats slid down to his now erect nipples and rubbed harshly against them. His face felt like it was burning up, and he could feel the strands of sukonbu inching closer and closer to his precious little buddy. Whenever he tried to tear them off, it seemed like they just kept on multiplying. He looked up with lust ladened eyes towards Hijikata, pleading for help, but the stupid Shinsengumi Vice Commander was frozen to the spot. He looked like he was mesmerized and it seemed like he was content with letting everything play out for a while. Gintoki's already loose fitted yukata slipped lower and lower off his shoulders and his obi came undone from his thrashing around. Not long after a few moments of rustling around, Gintoki was a sweaty, panting, moaning disheveled mess on his small couch; his yukata was half on the ground and in the middle of his back and the couch, his shirt slipped up above his abdomen showing his left nipple being played with by slimy desserts, and greenish clear slime slathered all over his body, making him look almost ethereal in the dim lighting of the room.

Hijikata gulped. Watching Gintoki was proving hard to do, because he didn't want to touch him in case he made him angry. Not only that, but his pants were becoming unbearably tight; he didn't want to touch himself either though, because he was also afraid Gintoki would notice and be disgusted by him for jerking off in front of him while he gets molested by strands of sukonbu. Hijikata's resolve was beginning to ebb as Gintoki kept shooting pleading eyes towards him that made him feel like he was becoming a dirtier and dirtier person by the second.

"T-tosh…i~"

At that moment, Hijikata lunged towards Gintoki, practically ripping his clothes off of himself.

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KYYYAAAHHH! I feel so embarrassed writing this! (~) hahha. Please review! I wanna know what you all thought of this lil two-shot! I NEED FEED BACK! (o0o) lol.


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